I don’t want to write about this, because inevitably someone will read it and put two and two together. Chances are if we’re friends I’ve already told you about this and you’ll know exactly what and who this is about within minutes.
The title is not an intentional Britney reference, the zone I’m in is if the less fun variety – the friend zone.
So, like most of my writing over the past few years, this post is about a boy. Yeah, another one – I meet many, none of them remain important for very long.
This boy has been in my life for a few months now and when we first met we went on two dates – he told me after the second one ended with my spending the night, that we weren’t gonna happen. He quoted timing, which is probably a bullshit story, but I was chilled with it because he was younger than me and not out to the world, something that has become somewhat of a deal breaker over the years after many experiences of having to keep things secret. Anyway, needless to say, conversation died out for a couple of weeks.
After some time, he texted me and we met for coffee. It was casual and we became friendly. Now he’s been to my place a number of times, sometimes he’ll even spend the night. He’s met a bunch of my friends. He met my ‘open relationship’ friends and that’s when it really occurred to me – I would be super jealous if they hooked up with him. Fuck.
He’s still not really out and he’s obviously still younger than I am. This seems to be more of a background thing to me recently though. I may have caught some feels – just like a teeny bit – and they’re annoying me.
Now the age old dilemma stares me in the face. Do I say something and risk rejection (probably one of my biggest fears) or do I just continue as if nothing has changed? I’m being silly and I’m well aware of that, but I really don’t know how to be a grown up in these situations. I’m only 24 and I like to pretend I’ll still a teenager and nothing I do has consequences.
I’m leaving town for seven weeks, starting two weeks from now. I’m kind of hoping it all sorts itself out before I get back.