PS Do I Love You?

We all know that falling in love is pretty darn complicated, right?
It all start with how damn hard it is to meet someone – someone, that is, that is not a serial killer looking to kill unsuspecting homos, someone who isn’t as shallow as a Kardashian, someone who has an emotional intelligence better than that of a three year old and someone who shares at least some of your interests. Meeting people happens in weird ways these days. We meet people online, in clubs (god forbid), through friends, at the gym, at work, at varsity etc. The most uncertain and most stigmatized way is definitely online.
Meeting someone online leaves you vulnerable – people lie. You never know who’s on the other end of your computer or cell phone screen. The pictures of them that you see may be very flattering, they may seem to have many friends and be super accomplished, and yet they could end up being an ugly old fart looking for a gullible young guy who can be bough or otherwise convinced to do some things normally seen as uhm, a moral grey area, as it were.
Anyway, let’s assume you meet someone wherever and however and agree on a first date. This causes so much stress, I feel like I can explode before a first date. Is my hair okay? Should I really have skipped my swim yesterday? What the hell do I wear, what if we arrive wearing similar outfits?! Do I be myself or turn down the weird and loud for the day, and if I do, what does it say that I’m letting him see something that I’m not – even worse, what if he like fake me more than real me? So much can go wrong, and so much can go right. Small talk is an issue, and I have found recently that religion is such an issue (I feel like a blog post on this subject might follow at some point).
I met a guy recently, online (the shame) and we went on a first date two months ago (to the day, actually). Gosh, his pictures were all so great, chatting was always so good and I felt a connection (no online puns here please). So I meet him for a movie and I get there first. As he comes down the escalator, my heart kinda skips a beat. His pictures did not prepare me for reality. Oh. My. God. What a gorgeous man. Anyway, we go for coffee and eventually the movie and it was the best.
Meeting someone? Check. First date? Check.
Next is keeping it up – more dates and meeting friends. This is hard as everyone has schedules and I hate when guys feel like they need to text me every five minutes. Anyway, longest of all stories short, my friends love him, I love his friends and we actually see each other as often as possible. Things are going well.
Now, I have the worst case of insecurity on the world. Seriously. Remember when I said he was hot? Well I’m not. That makes life really messy, because he could have so many guys and they do look at him. They look at him when we club in such a way that I feel like I could be single at any minute, but I also wanna slap some bitches. I’m not sure if my insecurities leD to me being jealous, or if these two things are completely mutually exclusive? Feel free to tell me if you know – but only if you have some authority o the subject, please.
Anyway, what ends up happening? This boy is also jealous. He holds onto me and kisses me often, to show other guys that I’m not here alone.
Why is our unconfirmed, not yet official, semi-relationship going well? He thinks I’m more than a catch than he is. I know he’s the better catch. Oh, and neither one of us is a cheating dick, but that could be a topic for another day.
This post started off as a general realtionshippy, love topic mini essay, but I have wondered off topic and gone into the territory of my own life. So before I give away too much, I’m going to stop right here.
Till next time, hope all two people who read this enjoy it 😉


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