With regards my title, yes, I know I’m not nearly as funny as I think I am.

I discovered last week that a guy in my class is bisexual. Seeing as this information reached me through a grapevine and did not uhm, come straight, as it were, from the horse’s mouth, I’m not going to give it too much weight. I do however, want to give it quite a bit of weight, because I’d be lying if I said that the prospect of a new boy to dote on wasn’t pleasant.

Now, the only other properly ‘out’ boy in my class has proclaimed to the world that he has no interest in this new prospect, so there will be no stepping on toes in that regard. The way is paved, but is it a way to walk?

I’ve mentioned that the bi-lemma includes me not knowing how accurate the said informer was, but there’s a bit more to it than just that.

Should I be interested in someone purely because they’ve suddenly become available? I’m not one to chase after straight guys, because come on, am I seriously that desperate? And does it look like I enjoy setting myself up for disappointment? No. But now, suddenly, straight is no longer an issue, so the way is open to make a move, however subtle. Easier said than done though, right?

I have to ask myself, was I ever attracted to this boy? Before there was a glimmer of a possibility that we could hook up or that we could even, god forbid date, did I ever look at him and think, hmm, that would be nice? I can’t recall that I ever had such thoughts about our topic character. I also can’t, with all honesty, say that there was ever a time when I thought to myself that he was not worth a second thought. Does that mean that I’d been neutral until just then?

Okay, last week, we spoke. This in itself doesn’t seem so spectacular, but in a class of nearly 400 students, who speaks to everyone often? No one. So we spoke, and there was a wink. From him. Toward me. Toward? Anyway. He doesn’t know that I know. Well, he doesn’t know that I know what I think I know. So this wink was in all probability totally innocent, but who can blame a guy for being excited about a possible admirer.

I’ve now, actually just now before I started writing, invited the subject of my bi-lemma to be friends on Facebook, slightly late maybe, since he was a guest at my 21st birthday party. This is a big leap for me. I’m shy in real life, even though I seem very loud and outspoken on social media. What on earth is the next step? Do I want there to be a next step?

See, the problem of ‘shitting where you eat’ is a big one that stresses me out quite a bit. I’ve made out with two of my class mates, one guy and one girl – both pretty darn attractive if I might add, and since it happened, I have’t really been speaking to either. So, I’m not really keen on making my way through the class and leaving a cloud of awkward nods and shy greeting in my wake.

More to follow as the story unfolds then.


2 thoughts on “Bi-Lemma

  1. LifestyleGambler says:

    Interesting post…I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the topic. Recently I’ve been asking myself, seeing as I in no way fit the cisgendered heterosexual monogamist society anticipates at first sight, why do I automatically assume people are straight? Why do I automatically assume *anything* about someone’s gender identity or sexual orientation? I’ve also been asking myself if I actually WANT to not make such assumptions about people? I am also quite shy in person…does letting go of assumptions make approaching people easier or more difficult? I don’t have answers to these questions yet, but reading your post brought them to the forefront of my mind yet again. No advice for you, but I wish you good luck!

    Cheers, LG

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s