So my previous post raised the question if people, particularly young gay men, still date. It also made me wonder if we don’t date because promiscuity is just so great, or if it’s because the dating pool is shallow at best.
These two things probably aren’t mutually exclusive. I’ve met quite a few guys that I wouldn’t mind dating, but many of them seem to prefer just getting it on and then moving right along. I can’t say that I haven’t been guilty of this. Just last week a boy told me that he loved me and my response was to keep making out, and taking a quick pause to tell him that he must be mistaken.
This particular fellow lives in a different country and is heading back there today actually. I’m avoiding the whole situation until I know he’s safely out of my hood. Does that make me a terrible person?
I’m conflicted. On the one hand I really want to be in the type of successful relationship I see on campus every day. But on the other hand, I like keeping it casual and not giving someone the opportunity to screw me emotionally.
Does it all come down to some form of fear? A fear of commitment, a fear of catching the feels in a real way, a fear of rejection? What about when it becomes boring, which it inevitably has to? Is it all worth the effort and the self-esteem blows?
I haven’t been in a relationship in just about 18 months. I’ve had my fair share of flings and dates, but not one that seemed like it could be a potential life changer – maybe Ben from the last two posts but look how that panned out.
I just joined Tinder for the one millionth time. I’m telling myself it’s for research – you know, so that I have something to write about on here. Maybe it is to an extent, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the matches and the messages and just the general ego boost when you realize that there are some people out there, albeit not that many, that want to talk to me because they find my Facebook pictures attractive.
That brings me to the next dilemma that us would-be daters have to face. Narcissism.
In a world of TV, Grindr, Tinder, Facebook, Pinterest, the internet in general and even blog sites like Tumblr and Twitter, society is constantly told to look at things. We don’t read like we used to, we don’t talk like we used to. Our interactions are so driven by visual stimulation that we expect nothing but the most beautiful and most stunning. I’m complaining about it yeah, but just like I enjoy a casual fling when I secretly want to date, I also judge on appearances, and way too harshly. I physically struggle to watch movies made before the dawn of CGI, and I hate when lead roles are portrayed by anyone less attractive than Keira Knightly or Matt Bomer.
Dating sites are so bad in this regard. You simply swipe left, ignore a friend request, block, unfollow if someone isn’t as aesthetically pleasing as your dream partner is in your mind’s eye. Imagine we did the same in real life. Imagine for a second someone did the same to you – try approach someone in your class, place of work or in a bar and they simply ignore you or ‘swipe’ you out of their way. It all seems so messed up, and yet we thrive on it. We check our likes on Instagram and our retweets and favourites on Twitter and bask in the glow of having the best follows to following ratios. I’m completely immersed in the culture myself, there is no turning back.
But what does everything I’ve said so far mean? What does it mean for the future of dating, particularly for my future in terms of dating? Well, I guess I don’t know. Do I suck it up and stay single forever, hooking up randomly for as long as possible, or should I go to gym, be on a perpetual diet, be tanned as all hell all the time and hope that someone swipes right?
This is where I’ll end off, no closer to an answer than when I began.