To Fuckboy or not to Fuckboy …

The title really does say it all, but I guess I’ll fill up this post with some more meat. Punny.

Recently I got involved with a guy who I knew was a fuckboy from the get go. We banged on the first night after both having made out with multiple other guys in front of each other. So maybe I’m not painting myself in the best light here either. Just thinking back to that night and actually every encounter we had after that, it’s shocking that I was ever under the impression that we could be a couple.

I was kind of head over heels for this boy, he is gorgeous and charming, but most of them are. He didn’t treat me particularly well, but maybe that’s kind of what was great about it – he wasn’t trying very hard. He wasn’t clingy or annoyed that I didn’t text all the time. Jokes, I actually did most of the initiation when it came to texting or doing things, I think he invited me to do things maybe three times. One of those times was a dinner at his house where I met two of his siblings and then spent the night, something he later said was too ‘real’ and felt too much like I was his boyfriend. He did however introduce me to his friends as his ‘boy’ the previous evening at a party. Damn, this boy really is a classic fuckboy hey.

Anyway, I’ve fallen into this FB trap before, funnily enough with a boy that made out with the most recent one only a week or two after we met, while we were out together. I make absolutely great decisions.

Some friends have decided that maybe, just maybe I might be an FB myself, which honestly I didn’t enjoy at first. I struggled with the concept at the same time that I had to struggle with just being “broken up with” by the boy mentioned above.

It took about two weeks to really get over this boy – we only hooked up for a month – but by the end of the two weeks I had also accepted being called a fuckboy myself, not because I actually think I exhibit the classic qualities, but because I think maybe we all have a little of FB in us.  And is that such a massive issue? I’ve treated boys like this one treated me, and thought nothing of it. It’s only now that I actually developed feelings and had my heart semi crushed that I realise it’s absolute bullshit. That being said though, we’re all probably just a bit broken from a previous experience or what the general gay community seems to value above all else, sex. How do we build real relationships or even casual ones when we don’t really know what’s socially okay?

The question remains, to fuckboy or not? To get with one and risk actually developing feelings even though you know it’ll end in tears, or even to be one when you risk just destroying your relationships and gaining a reputation that’s difficult to shake. There is no real answer here, and you should know by now that I never really have one, I pose questions to the world at large hoping that I’ll learn something from my own writing and maybe learn to not be the worst, by spotting the worst in myself through my experiences with others. Deep.

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